The Faux Burglar
by The Painted Green Door
Summary: Because timing is everything...With Bilbo Baggins out of town and Alodia Took house sitting Bag End what will happen when Gandalf comes in need of a burglar?
1. Prologue

Welcome to my very first fanfiction!

I don't want to bore you with a very long author's note but I do have to address a couple of things:

1. Even though this idea had been residing in my head for quite some time I originally had no intention on actually taking the time and writing it down on paper. Writing a 'The Hobbit' fanfiction (and fanfiction in general) seemed (and continues to seem) a very intimidating task. Yet after much debate, I have decided to foster some bravery (just like Bilbo) and take a chance even though I'm super-duper nervous!

2. If this story is not your type of Bertie Bott's Bean Flavour, please leave it unharmed so some other lad or lass can enjoy it to the fullest extent. Thank you.

3. Disclaimer: I do not own J.R.R. Tolkien's 'The Hobbit' in any way, nor do I own J.R.R. Tolkien. The only thing I own is my brain and story plot-oh, and my original female character which you will have the pleasure of meeting in a few short moments.

I think that about sums it up. So if you will, please sit back, relax and enjoy '_The Faux Burglar_'.

* * *

><p><strong>THE FAUX BURGLAR<strong>

By: The Painted Green Door

* * *

><p><strong>Opening:<strong>

To begin with, I suppose I should explain to you what a hobbit is and what kind of nature they possess. Hobbits used to be numerous and plentiful many years ago yet are scarce, if not extinct, today. If you do however have a rather astounding amount of luck on your side and have a chance encounter I assume you would like to know how to determine if the being is truly a hobbit. To start with, they are small, stout creatures. Half the size of an average human I believe. Hobbits also have noticeably large feet which go uncovered due to the rough exterior on the bottom which allows them to walk around contently in almost any terrain. I suppose I should move on to the characteristics of such a creature. They are a cheerful people who find pleasure in simple things such as a warm comfortable bed and a good hot meal (or rather several meals). They are naturally social creatures that find no wrong in partying for days on end or calling on their neighbors frequently, in fact it would almost be considered quite queer if a hobbit did not make his rounds of calling on his friends near and far. I must testify that all the hobbits I have had the chance in meeting, even if it was a quick exchange of a nod, are rather respectable beings that seem to hold the highest level of manners…

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue:<strong>

**TA 2941**

Alodia Took did not consider herself a peculiar hobbit. In fact, she considered herself rather the opposite: a respectable hobbit who seemed to possess a good sense of the mind and a considerable amount of reason. This however did not change the fact that Alodia Took was met with skeptical looks and wary glances from those that had the honor (some would say the unfortunate honor) of encountering her path.

"The poor dear lass." Hilagee Matux, a respectable hobbit who occasionally called on Alodia (much to Alodia's dismay), confided in Erlyna Sundle one evening, "I called on her just yester-night and while her cakes were in good taste and spirits, her conversation was quite odd…she spoke something about how she means to have an adventure before she grows too old…" she let her voice die down and quiver with a cluck of her tongue.

Erlyna nodded sympathetically towards her confidant, "Hilagee you are too kind for your own good. Alodia may have an endearing sense of character but her last name says it all-all Took. Too Took-ish for her own good. For anyone's own good if I had to speak my mind. And that Tripcolt blood running in her veins doesn't help her case either." Erlyna sniffed, her nose crinkling up to a rather extreme extent.

Of course these conversations did not go by unnoticed by Alodia herself. She was well aware of how her neighbors thought of her and the young she hobbit considered that perhaps they were right. She wrote countless letters to her dear cousin Bilbo (even though he possessed as much of Took blood as she did) asking on how to be more of a respectable hobbit since he did have a considerable amount of Baggins blood running through him, but it seemed that even Bilbo lacked advice.

_"__My dear cousin of a Took!_

_If I could, I would give you sound advice. However, with one part of you being Took, and the other Tripcolt, why I sometimes believe there is no hope for you becoming respectable! _

_I hoped that my dry humor somehow squeezed a laugh out of you but I would not be surprised if I have failed. My own laughter aside, I believe that if this troubles you so greatly, it is time for you to have a small vacation. The Took-ish side would allow me to call this a small journey but I suppose I should call it a vacation if you are in dire need of normalcy and respectability. _

_Come visit me and The Hill, I do believe the change of scenery and air will do you good and perhaps put you in higher spirits. I can promise you a plenty of good meals around a warm fire and perhaps even a story or two of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins (she continues to attack my dining ware)._

_Your dear (and much older) cousin and Took-ish relative, _

_Bilbo Baggins of Bag End"_

Alodia smoothed out the invisible and perhaps nonexistent wrinkles on the parchment that her dear cousin Bilbo had written on, her thumb running over his signature. She was lost in thought, her eyes distant as she folded the top right corner of the letter.

"He means well." Alodia murmured to herself as she tucked a stray piece of golden brown hair behind her left ear, "Yet imagine what the neighbors' expressions would be when they found out I was going out of Green Hill Country and to The Hill. I imagine they would take this as me going off on an adventure even when that's the farthest thing from the truth!" Alodia cried out with some indignation before glancing down at the letter.

A part of her welcomed the small burst of energy that rushed through her veins at the mention of an adventure. Oh how she wished she could have her own adventure like the ones she read about on a daily basis in her favorite armchair near the hearth. She remembered she grew up listening to stories about dragons and kings of old. Alodia wondered if such beings still existed but pushed her curiosity away. She was getting a bit too old for an adventure. Indeed, Alodia was to be an adult in two years time. Once she reached the mature age of 33, she would have to start to think about other things such as settling down and be cordial to a constant stream of visitors in her comfortable abode.

"This is why the common folk believe you are queer Alodia." She muttered to herself, "You spend too much time wishing and dreaming yourself away to foreign lands and old ancient tales." She paused before continuing, whispering, "It is, however a true shame." Alodia lamented as she reached for her finest ink, one that shined so brightly it almost seemed to glow. She saved this ink for special occasions but had been so sparse with it that she had barely used any of it. The hobbit reckoned she might as well use it now before it went dry and bad.

"Perhaps if I had been a bit bolder and thought less of what others thought of me during my younger years-perhaps then I would have been able to have an adventure." Alodia thought with a bitter taste in her mouth. She pursed her lips, "Never mind now. That's in the past." She said aloud, her voice softly echoing through the halls of her home as she dipped her quill in her ink and reached for a piece of smooth parchment.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, gently enough not to draw blood, Alodia thought of what to write.

"Should I go?" Alodia mused silently. She did love her cousin dearly-she considered him practically her own brother! And the she hobbit did miss Bag End and the wonderful view that it give of The Hill. She missed the wonderful wood that Bilbo used in his fireplace and how the sweet earthy smell lingered in the hobbit home. She missed his collection of books. Oh his collection! What a fine collection of books Bilbo had in his possession. They were all in well condition and each book interesting in its own way. Most of all Alodia missed the trails in, out and about The Hill. The Hill, Alodia considered, seemed to be the perfect place for an adventure, or as she ought to call it (to maintain some respectability) an 'experience to aid to her cultural well-being.'

"Then it's settled." Alodia declared, after mulling it over for several silent minutes. Her green eyes (which Alodia considered to be rather dull) sparkled with the thought traveling to Bag End and seeing her endearing cousin. Dipping her quill once again in the fine ink, she began to write slowly and carefully, trying to phrase her response perfectly.

_"__My dear Bilbo,_

_How could I decline your offer of a (I'm sure a very entertaining) story about the dreadful Lobelia Sackville-Baggins? I, for a mere second, am happy that Lobelia is not blood related to me! I would be delighted to come visit you and Bag End…_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Next Up:<strong>_ Alodia embarks to visit her dear cousin Bilbo! And it turns out Bilbo has a huge favour to ask of her...

**In the meantime:** Thoughts on the Prologue? It would mean a lot to me if you showed me a little love by reviewing.

Much love,

**The Painted Green Door**


	2. Chapter One

A quick and hopefully not lengthy author's note:

1. I am flabbergasted from the amount of positive feedback (and feedback in general) that I have received. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I am truly sorry that this update as taken so long-life has been so hectic. I just wanted to say that: **This is the full Chapter One.** Technology problems have stalled me. My sincerest apologies, and thank you for sticking this out with me,.

2. I probably should have stated this earlier but this will be a Movie and Book version combined, and of course slightly AU. I have read the book and watched (now all) the movies at least two times. (I'm hoping I will be able to see The Battle of the Five Armies for the third time.)

3. Again, thank you so much for your support. Thank you for your patience and encouragement. I love you all very dearly.

* * *

><p><em>To Boyrs:<em> First of all, thank you for such a wonderful review. You are correct: She Hobbits were usually named after precious stones or plants. I decided in the early stage that Alodia would be a bit different, a bit peculiar, because she is a Took. You are also correct when it comes to Lobelia and her familial ties. At the time of your review I decided from you comment that I suppose it was a slight AU. But now after watching The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, her last name as Sackville-Baggins would be correct because Bilbo does call her that as he takes his spoons back.

_To Readergirl4985:_ Thank you for such a lovely review. It made me smile! Thank you. P.S. I love Pride & Prejudice. I'm always swooning over Mr. Darcy.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One (Updated Full Version): <strong>

* * *

><p>Alodia rang the bell. Once. Twice. Thrice.<p>

She frowned, sensing something was out of the norm. For all the years Alodia knew her cousin, she found that Bilbo Baggins was quite punctual. He was never distracted and seemed to quite an agreeable Hobbit of The Shire. Alodia let her fingers graze the green painted round door (which looked freshly painted in her opinion) before she let her hand drop to her side.

"How peculiar." The young she hobbit mused at the thought of Bilbo being delayed. She thought for a few more moments before she turned her back and gazed towards the spectacular view of The Hill. She watched the sun waver, trying to hold on to the sky as it slid down and burst into various shades of deep orange and golden streaks of yellow.

Alodia turned abruptly at the sound of the door creaking welcomingly at her, revealing a stout (although not as stout as some other hobbits she knew) and rather content hobbit. Alodia quickly gazed at her cousin's attire: a bright yellow waist coat paired with a velvet green jacket (which had polished brass buttons sewn upon it) and light tan breeches. The young she hobbit found herself more awake due to the burst of energy she found herself possessing after concluding that her cousin looked in good health and spirits.

"Welcome, welcome! How good to see you my dear cousin." Bilbo cried out, opening the door wider to allow his cousin (who he truly enjoyed spending time with) to step in his abode. Bilbo clasped his hands together, "I just put the kettle on you see. I thought you must be quite tired after your journey."

Alodia however, was only half listening to her cousin. To her, it was as if this was her first time in his residence (although it was far from the truth). She had forgotten the numerous paintings and heirlooms that had been placed along the walls and multiple shelves. She had forgotten the exact layout of the hobbit home and the warm feel that it encased her.

"I also checked in my cellar and found some marmalade sesame cakes." Bilbo asked after a slight pause, "Now, I don't know how good they might be but I took a nibble and they seemed as if they were made yesterday."

Alodia smiled tentatively, a wave of exhaustion hitting her suddenly, "It all sounds so lovely." She tried to blink the sleepiness out of her eyes, but failed miserably. Although Alodia was very happy to see her cousin, her feet ached from walking and the hem of her dress was rather muddy thanks to the early morning rain that came unexpectedly.

The young she hobbit let her thoughts cease as her cousin hurried to take her old yet sturdy carpetbag from her grasp. "But I suppose you are quite tired." Bilbo said with much consideration, trying not wince from the sudden weight he gained from Alodia's luggage. After a grunt, Bilbo seemed to manage the weight and shuffled towards the guest bedroom Alodia had claimed as her own many moons ago.

Alodia nodded during the correct times as Bilbo began to tell all the news of The Hill: What his (according to him) scheming relatives were up to, whose neighbors' garden looked in considerably healthy state and what book he was currently reading. By now, Alodia was the perfect audience, knowing when to stay quiet and when to voice her opinion.

As Bilbo pushed the glossy wooden door open gently to allow enough space for him and his cousin to pass he slipped a glance at her. Quickly hurrying to put her carpetbag down on the bed that had a rather cozy quilt design he then straightened up, wrinkling his nose. Wrinkling his nose, Bilbo acknowledged, was always a habit of his-one to show that he was either in deep thought or slightly nervous.

Bilbo then let his hangs tuck into his waistcoat and rocked tentatively on the back of his feet. Alodia on the other hand was rather surprised for she never saw her cousin look as uncomfortable as he did in this particular moment.

"Bilbo are you quite well?" Alodia asked after a moment, her eyes gazing at a painting which hung above the small stone fireplace. The artist was unknown, at least to Alodia, but she admired the beauty in the painting: the artist's choice of colors, the realistic feeling Alodia got whenever she glanced at the painting, and of course the scene depicted itself: the woods, the sunlight peeking through the trees, the deer that were peacefully grazing. To Alodia it was all so beautiful and for some reason, spoke to her, called to her.

"Of course! I am in the highest spirits!" Bilbo squeaked out, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. He then cleared his throat and continued to rock on his feet, "I just have a…big favor to ask of you Alodia." He said after a slight hesitation. He let his eyes wander around the room, not meeting his cousin's eyes.

Alodia tried to lighten the mood by throwing out a quick, soft laugh, "Bilbo you look rather despondent." She said as she moved to sit on the bed-the wood creaking for moment from her weight. She let her fingers graze the hem of the thick quilt that lay on the bed, admiring the talented patchwork.

Bilbo let a sigh escape him and copied her action, deciding to sit in the rocking chair in the corner. He then twiddled his thumbs and then finally sat straight up.

"Alodia, I am going on a trip and I don't expect to be home anytime soon."

Silence.

Alodia grasped the quilt in the palms of her hands, wincing as she felt her nails dig faintly through the blanket and into her skin.

Now, Alodia may have been considered Took-ish through and through, but she never thought her cousin, Bilbo Baggins, would adopt her Took-ish features. Going on a trip may be considered normal, if there was a good enough reason but suddenly deciding? Not giving at least a month notice?

How very strange.

Alodia did not mean to frighten her cousin into silence, but he was currently squeaking out nonsense: incomplete sentences and foreign words that perhaps never existed to begin with.

"N-Now this trip is a family reunion!" Bilbo finally got out with a wheezy breath before collapsing in his chair from all the effort it took.

"Family Reunion?" Alodia asked, quite bewildered. This day went from strange to stranger. Bilbo never really cared for family. Well at least ones living (he cared very much about his deceased parents). Bilbo made an exception when it came to Alodia, and Alodia felt honored. Yet with the news of him going to a family reunion, she suddenly felt less valued as a friend.

Bilbo nodded stiffly before standing up and smoothing his pockets, "Yes. On the Baggins side. On normal circumstances I would have absolutely refused." He gave a short laugh, "You know how un-fond I am about relatives hoping to receive Bag End when I pass." He paused before smiling a rather small smile, "But I suppose it would be rather good to visit Drogo Baggins and Primula Brandybuck. Most decent folk they are. And it will only be for a few days at the most. I leave early in the morning tomorrow."

Alodia leaned back, the bed creaking under her weight. Thoughts rambled her mind. Alodia knew very well she could of course voice her opinion and maybe that would convince Bilbo to stay, for she only just got here! Alodia could not imagine leaving Bag End so soon. It was a true shame. On the other hand she knew once Bilbo set his mind to something he only rarely did not see it through. Those were one of the traits Alodia admired of her dear cousin.

The young she hobbit sighed, knowing there was no way she could talk him out of going. She then hopped up from the bed and placed her hands on her hips, looking around briefly at her room.

"Very well. I suppose I should go in the morning." She said with a hint of sadness. How much she would miss Bag End until her next visit (which may be very far off in the future).

"Leave?" Bilbo squeaked out, "But you only just got here!"

Bilbo must have seen his cousin's flicker of confusion that appeared on her face, for he gave a good laugh before shaking his head, "I am not kicking you out cousin!" he cried, "I actually wanted you to do me a rather large favor." He paused at this, wrinkling his nose again. "I was hoping you would house sit for me while I am away. I would rather not have someone loitering around here." He told the last sentence as an afterthought. He then continued, "And I believe it would do you good to have a small vacation at Bag End."

Alodia's heart was filled with happiness. She would be able to stay at Bag End! With the books and herbal tea! With the sweet smell of wood and the wonderful stars shining brighter than she had ever witnessed! She would, of course miss Bilbo and all the conversations he provided, but perhaps once he came back from the reunion she would be able to stay a couple of more days to catch up on the news and listen to his stories.

Excited did not do what Alodia was feeling during this particular moment justice. She felt like she was ready to explode like one of the fireworks she had seen a very long time ago.

"There would be nothing more I would like to do then housesit."

* * *

><p>I know I haven't been very diligent in my updating but: <strong>Review? (The reviews certainly motivate me)<strong>

Much love,

**The Painted Green Door**


	3. Chapter Two

Author's Note is at the bottom because I know all of you have been patiently waiting for this update.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three:<strong>

Bilbo left early in the morning, true to his word.

Alodia packed enough food to fill his stomach on his journey much to his delight, and made sure to pack the small things he would have usually forgotten: his handkerchief which had his initials stitched in the right corner, a scarf in case there was a sudden chill in the air, and an apple just in case the cakes did not quench his hunger.

After much fussing and numerous goodbyes, Bilbo set off with a musty green cloak on his shoulders, a good leather bag on his back and a faithful old walking stick in his hand. Alodia waved frantically at his retreating figure, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. How she would miss her cousin!

"Goodbye, Goodbye! Farwell my dear cousin!" Bilbo squeaked out as he turned to look back at Bag End, "I shall not be too long in my travels!" he added after a thought.

"Safe travels!" Alodia managed to get out as she watched his figure grow smaller and smaller. When his figure completely disappeared she was then left to her own devices, a strange thought. Straightening up and smoothing some wrinkles that decided to imprint on the skirt of her dress, she turned on her heel and went back into the sweet hobbit home she would be house sitting.

"How strange it all is!" Alodia mumbled to herself as she pondered the events that had recently took place. She never would have imagined Bilbo leaving and entrusting her to housesit. A frown played on her lips a little as she took a seat at the kitchen table, wondering what on earth she could do.

She peered at the surroundings around her. Nothing seemed out of order, every piece of décor and furniture seemed perfectly dusted and polished, and there was not a speck of dirt on the floors of the house. A clean house was of course predictable when considering Bilbo was the owner. Bilbo had a knack for liking things in order.

She then straightened up with a smile, "I suppose I could fetch some marmalade sesame cakes from the pantry." With a quick, short nod she did just that, pivoting on her heel and scurrying to fill her stomach.

She found them easily and put three on a plate before deciding to eat outside since the weather seemed to be very favorable but as soon as she opened the round green door (which smelled like fresh paint) she gave a frightened yelp (dropping her marmalade sesame cakes in the process) for a tall stranger was standing near the gate.

She quickly shut the door and locked it promptly. With a satisfied huff she then crept cautiously towards one of the front windows, observing the stranger who was still standing there.

Alodia realized it was a man. A very tall man who as clothed in gray from head to toe: a gray hat that had a point, reminding her of a book she ready a long time ago about wizards-a children's fairytale. He also had a long gray cloak that looked warm but did not look like it was the softest fabric. Just looking at the gray cloak made her want to itch. He also had a thick black leather belt and carried a tall wooden staff that looked smooth for the most part but the top looked as if it had been carved to look like the wood had suddenly had a mind of its own and decided to wound and twist.

The peculiar man continued to stand there as if trying to figure out a complicated problem. Alodia wished the strange man went away but instead after a few moments he edged closer to the gate and ultimately decided to let himself in. Before Alodia knew what she was doing, she flung out the door and ran down the few steps waving him to stop.

"I'll have you know that you are currently trespassing on private property!" She said hastily, trying to act brave when in reality she was quite scared of this man clothed in gray.

The man stopped and gave a grunt of sorts, still letting himself in, and sitting down on the bench that Alodia had been planning on sitting as she nibbled on her marmalade sesame cakes.

He was quiet for a few moments as Alodia tried to figure out what to do. She desperately wished Bilbo had not gone away for he would know how to handle this. He continued to stare at her making her rather uncomfortable. A thread of irritation flared up in her and she put her hands on her hips, "Who are you?"

The man hummed, clearly forming his answer, "Who are you? I thought a Mister Bilbo Baggins was the owner of this estate."

Now Alodia was beyond shocked. How did this odd man know of her cousin? She instantly knew that the Took's blood in him was at fault. Bilbo probably meant this man on one of his adventures as he trekked the woods a very long time ago….or perhaps not so long ago.

The man was awaiting her answer but was not impatient. Instead of hurrying her for an answer he dug around in his cloak and withdrew a long smoking pipe which had clearly seen better days.

After several attempts she managed to find her voice, "I-I am his cousin. He's currently away." She said this in a very guarded and cautious tone because although he clearly knew her cousin she still found him quite odd.

He gave another grunt and then looked at her as he fixed his wooden pipe for, Alodia assumed, a smoke, "For how long?"

"A few days at most." She replied automatically but mentally kicked herself. She should be more cautious in what she said to this man.

He mumbled under his breath words she did not understand nor catch before he took a long breath in with the assistance of his pipe and slowly exhaled making expert smoke rings that seemed to ripple just as if Alodia throw a small pebble in a lake.

"And what is your name?" he finally asked after a considerable amount of silence.

She hesitated. Should she tell? She thought better of it, "What is your name?" she replied back. She figured that if he told her his name she would tell him hers. A trade of sorts.

He gave a small smile, a quick quirk of his lips before he replied, "Why I'm Gandalf the Grey. Gandalf the Grey is me." He said with a twinkle of his eye.

"Alodia…Took." The owner of the name said begrudgingly. He gave a small rumble of laughter that seemed almost grandfatherly, "Yes. A descendant of Hildigard Took. He was a rather respectable man when I knew him."

Alodia was now beyond puzzled. If he knew who she was, who her father was, then why did this man-Gandalf the Grey ask her for her name. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. She glanced at the man who had turned his attention back to his smoke rings trying to figure out who he really was and how he seemed to know her.

"You and Bilbo were quite fond of my fireworks, weren't you?" He mused, that twinkle still in his eye. Alodia's eyes in turn grew to the size of the plate that held (or used to) her marmalade sesame cakes. Her stomach gave a pleading growl but she ignored it.

Of course, it all made sense now. When she was younger Old Took, her grandfather gave a festival every year on Midsummer's Day. She always remembered how she loved the festival and looked forward to it every year. Old Took always supplied such wonderful food and music, and of course the entertainment. It changed every year, one year it was a play, sometimes it was a singer well known in The Shire, but Alodia could distinctly remember the year there were fireworks. At the time, fireworks were an unknown and strange thing to her, but when each whizpopper went off and danced through the sky, flashing a quick color before descending she became enchanted-and the moment became engrained in her mind. Alodia was embarrassed that she didn't remember Gandalf for he was the one that lit them at Old Took's Midsummer's Day festival.

Of course when Old Took passed away the festival on Midsummer's Day also deceased. A phase of sadness and grief threatened to overtake her but she fought it and made herself composed.

"You're whizpoppers always made such a wonderful scene in the sky." Alodia said politely, trying to mask the bubbly feeling that she always had when she thought of the memory.

To her surprise he didn't reply with a response of thanks. Instead he looked at her for a few moments before nodding slowly, "Yes. I believe this adventure will be good for you." He paused and put away his pipe before straightening up and heading towards the gate to let himself out, "It's settled then. Well, farewell. Enjoy your marmalade sesame cakes while I'm gone."

And with that the man shrouded in gray left leaving Alodia Took flabbergasted.

* * *

><p>First of all, I cannot apologize enough for the very delay. The truth is that I didn't feel very motivated (it is not any of you readers' faults) and life has been extremely busy.<p>

Second of all, thank you so much for your support, it means so much to me and always leaves a smile on my face.

I know I haven't been the best at updating but if you would be so inclined to leave a review it would be much appreciated and would truly hopefully motivate me.

Much love,

_The Painted Green Door_


	4. Note

**Currently on Hiatus.**


End file.
